Category: life happenings & semi-humorous accounts

Many years ago, I worked at a church. We had a local missions pastor named Jim*. This church did a lot of work down in Haltom City, and while down there, my friend Chris would go eat at an A-framed, hole-in-the-wall Mexican food joint. He became friends with the owner even though Jim spoke no Spanish and the owner spoke little English.

Jim told the owner he worked with churches to help them grow.

The owner started asking him a lot of business questions. Jim would sometimes randomly suggest things like, “You’re too cheap you should raise your prices 20%” and the next time he visited, sure enough, all the prices on the chalkboard would be raised 20%.

He’d say, “You should sell so-in-so” and it would be on the menu the very next time he went.

Once, the owner told Jim the health inspector was coming and he was worried. Jim said jokingly, “You should just shut your business down for those days and be closed.” Sure enough, the guy did it even though Jim was joking. Pastor Jim was kind of intrigued the business owner would do exactly what he said.

Jim wanted to take me down there to eat, so I went. He introduced me to the owner. I speak some Spanish so I told the guy, “You soy un pastor a la Iglesia con Jim” His face went ashen. “Iglesia???? Jim no work with Church’s Chicken???”

The dude thought Jim was a biz development/growth expert for Church’s Chicken restaurants. It’d been the reason he’d followed everything he’d said to the T. He realized nothing he’d implemented came from a pastor with no eatery expertise. Ha!

*name changed to protect the innocent.

Ping me if you are interested in joining us on Mar 23-25. There is a Groupon for the hotel we are staying at but it ends soon. A great CAT 2 climb should have our legs begging for mercy.

Selling my 1997 Taylor LKSM-6 Leo Kottke. This guitar is in great condition and has been cherished and cared for. Aesthetically, it possesses clean, minimalist appointments, letting the Jumbo’s voluptuous Spruce top and Mahogany back curves articulate the guitar’s full-bodied beauty.

It has never been left in the heat or the cold, and always cased when not in use. This guitar was re-fretted two years ago by the master luthier at the semi-legendary Craig’s Music in Weatherford, Texas. It was never used in a smoking environment.

It is uniquely equipped two pickups, a Fishman Natural Matrix undersaddle piezo (I am placing this placed back in and removing the EMG piezo). It also has an K&K Mini-Western Pure. Each pickup is routed to a separate output for incredible diversity of sound–each outputs sends independently and blended through a pre-amp or at the mixing board for a huge, natural sound. (For a quick and simple gig, you can simply choose one output straight to the board and it still sounds terrific).

I am including the K&K pre-amp (retail $348), which can blend both pick-ups with EQ or be used on one output if desired. The case is very structurally sound and I had new latches placed on 2 years ago.

This is a stellar touring guitar and was used in the studio on several CD projects.

For the entire package, I am asking $1,795. The guitar alone sells for $2,399 currently. Leave a comment with questions or call to purchase 817-889-1487. I will contact you as quickly as possible.

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Our NASCAR tickets were hot in our hands as my 10-year-old son and I headed out to our first ever race at the Texas Motor Speedway, also known as the Redneck Roohaha. I had tried to get myself psyched up for the vast amounts of backwoods culture we might encounter but no amount preparation could have prepared me for the onslaught.

NASCAR is basically Wrestlemania on steroids.  The warriors weren’t the Von Ericks or the Great Kabuki, but sheet-metaled steeds. And the crowd was definitely the same, except there were 100,000 packed into the bleachers each carrying a wheeled chest of highly coveted cargo, Coors Light. As race-time neared, Foreigner took the stage. The creaking rockers belted out Hot Blooded as a  co-worker was posting up Facebook pics of herself and a friend on the infield, imbibing Four Loko’s, what I hear is the most God-forsaken drink ever invented.

My son and I flipped on the driver scanner we had rented, but being novices, we had no sound of the sweet serenade of pit chiefs checking their connections with their drivers. I toyed with the radio only to realize I was a victim of my own race ignorance. This was the Sprint Cup series not the Nationwide. The tweak of a button set the scanner crackling to life, as the driver’s introductions began.

I was not aware that there was a universal NASCAR villain, but that became quickly apparent as the name Jeff Gordon echoed over the P.A.  A chorus of boos and hisses erupted from all the sleeveless shirted, jort cladded men and women sitting around us. You would have thought this man had intentions to bring down another large American skyscraper, but it turned out to be even worse—he was Californian.

My son was growing impatient for the start. A rousing National Anthem ensued, whereby I realized EVERYONE here was from a Red State as they sang passionately with various food-products-on-a-stick held gingerly over their hearts.  After the invocation, my son leaned over and said, “So this is a Christian event, huh?” Please God, I know you love these people dearly, but please don’t leave Christendom solely in their hands.

“Gentlemen–no Danica in this race, START YOUR ENGINES!” Upon this command the rubber pawed beasts roared to life with a noise like that I have never heard before.  They eased around the track following the pace car. You could sense each longed for speed as fans stood to their feet. And then it came, the drop of the flag. We sat on curve #1 and as the cars came by a shockwave of sound and wind rumbled over me. My son clutched his earphones tightly to his head, fearful of the exaggerated reports he had heard of instantaneous deafness if his aural precaution were to lapse for even a millisecond.

We watched the race continue with little event. About lap 50 my son said, “All they do is go in circles? Let’s go.” I wanted to get a bit more of my money’s worth so I bribed him with food. “How about a Fletcher’s corn dog, just like the state fair?” Okay he nodded back. I didn’t know if he really heard what I said. We got the golden fried corndog. He slathered it with mustard and ketchup and we headed back to the stands.

And Then It Happened.

Corbin had set down his corndog on the aluminum benches next to him. Behind us sat the king of all things hillbilly, appearing unshaven and unshowered. He had a pot belly, which he filled by drankin’ whiskey straight from a Mason jar. He was definitely feeling like this was his house and his people as he belted out a “Woooooohoooooo.” And then it happened. I had noticed he was shoeless.Probably left them back in the Airstream, no doubt.  Soon his shoeless, fungaled feet slipped on the back of our aluminum bleacher. But they didn’t stop quite there. His yellow-nailed big toe wrapped around Corbin’s corndog and just rested there, caressing golden cylinder of processed meat with slow massaging motions as the coolness of the mustard and ketchup oozed between his toes. He just made a face that said, “Man that feels goooood.”  Corbin sat wide-eyed in disbelief as I threw up in my mouth a bit. Through the roar, Corbin gave me a look that said, “Dad, please, please, Dad!” Needless to say, the corndog went uneaten and we hightailed it back to the car, having had a thorough enough NASCAR experience to call it a night without fear we had missed something. We have been fully initiated!

After a late night of parties and day of black eyed peas and bowl games, many of us draw a line in the stand, and promise ourselves (and God, at times) that we will resolve to make some grandiose life change. Problem is, this rarely works.  Simply look at any gym’s attendance pattern following January for proof.

So why should you then be encouraged to begin your New Year’s Resolutions now?

1. Starting early will ease the psychological tension to see your resolution as an all or nothing proposition. If you miss a day at the gym, keeping all your financial records up to date,  or steal a smoke, you won’t throw in the towel as quickly by telling yourself, “See I knew this would never work.” Instead, tell yourself, “I am moving towards _________ (you fill in the blank, smoke free living, healthier living, a more God centered life, et al.), and I had a setback today but am getting up and moving forward.”
2. Starting now allows you to view the desired action as an experiment rather than a resolution. You can tell yourself, “I am going to try this for a month and see the results. At the end of the month, I will decide if this is a realistic resolution.”
3. Stops you from etching another 30 days of negative habits into your mind. Psychologists have shown that we are creatures of habit. The sooner you begin slight disruptions in negative habits, the better.

So begin your experiment today by filling in this blank: The one change I could make which would most make a difference in the way I want my life to look is______________________. (By God’s grace, of course).

 What is your blank?

Job searching in the “new normal” is tough. You need a creative cover letter to set yourself apart in these post-recession times. Use your creativity to your advantage whenever appropriate.

Here is my cover “letter” I am using for my current job search. It is a jpeg link that opens in a prospective employer’s browser. The jpeg has the look of a facebook page complete with humorous status updates that all contain a subtle ‘value add’ I bring.

(Disclosure: The text you read above has an embedded subconscious message telling you to ‘call jordan now at 817/889.1487 to schedule his interview .’  If you know someone who needs a marketing/business development person or strategic processes and leadership, send them my resume and a link to the FB cover letter or my more serious, professional cover letter if they are a bit more dour).