What I Learned About Anxiety During COVID-19

Thesis: Whatever triggers your anxiety is probably closely tied to an idol in your life.

I’ve stated before that I battle with short seasons of anxiety. While the initial episode lasted 5 months back in 2011, typically, if it occurs now, it lasts a week to a 1 1/2 weeks long. Sometimes I’ll go a year or two without a season, and on rare occasions, I’ll get a couple in a quarter. For me, it doesn’t look like a panic attack. It’s just grind-you-down anxiety. I can still function and work during these weeks, it’s just challenging. Nobody really knows I’m in a season except my wife, unless I tell them.

So you’d expect COVID 19 would definitely be a trigger.

I own a marketing agency and our revenue is down 40% so far from some of our clients going on hiatus or the agencies we do white label work for losing their clients.  It would seem natural that I’d be anxious. It’s the perfect storm.

BUT I AM NOT.

As I reflected on why my anxiety was not triggered by this COVID situation and its ramifications, I was reminded about my trigger. My trigger is tied to my idol I wrestle against, not the situation itself.

My idol is to always be seen as competent by others.

Some of it comes from my natural wiring (Enneagram 5, INTJ, high beaver, etc.). Some of it comes from a childhood environment where smarts were super important. The rest comes from getting approval for and recognition for intellectual ability and, thus, striving to be “the smartest guy in the room,” –the architect who can create a system and process around anything.

COVID-19 is not attacking my idol. It just an “is.” It’s a thing that’s happening to everyone. It’s for this reason my anxiety is really low right now. My idol is safe. It’s not a competence issue.

But you know what does attack my idol?

When a person or client calls me and says something that implies dissatisfaction with me or something I’ve done.

This makes me feel incompetent (even if they don’t intend to.) We do a great job as an agency. Our client retention is incredibly high. But everyone who works here, including me, is also human. We will make a mistake at some point (as will our clients). When I get the call or email that implies somehow I wasn’t perfect in our execution or any dissatisfaction from others, that’s a potential trigger.

The enemy comes and says, “You are incompetent. You’re an imposter. This whole thing is a house of cards. You don’t know what you are doing.” Anxiety can rise.

This is a limbic lie. Rationally I can answer argue that I am competent but doesn’t stop the physically accompanying symptoms of tight chest and nausea. Why? Because my limbic part of my brain is unconsciously trying to protect me. My brain is saying, “Bear! Fight, flight, or freeze” even though there is no real bear there.

Even though you’ve discovered false beliefs, uncovered the lies and know a new truth, there is a time lag between what your limbic system believes and what your neocortex has learned. This is called limbic lag, a process that can be anywhere from a couple of months to years, but it will get shorter as you continue to challenge the false beliefs (traumatic memories) and risk trusting people. You may have fear and panic attacks, but once you go through them without doing the old behavior, your limbic system will say, “Oh, we went through that and actually survived.” The next time you experience the fear it will be less, and you will be able to make a good choice rather than overreacting with a “fight or flight” response. https://www.nacr.org/center-for-12-step-recovery/relapse-and-the-brain

How to Deal With Anxiety Tied to an Idol

Three things must happen.

01. Start the process of tearing down the idol.

I have to implant truth into my mind that counters what the idol screams out to me. For me, it is this truth….

2 Corinthians 3
⁴ Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. ⁵ Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God…

That verse is the truth that allows me to hammer and chip away on the idol of self-competence. I don’t have to be the one ultimately competent…God is.

He is my Provider. He is good. He is great. He is glorious. He is gracious. (The Four G’s)

02. Accept the lag as an opportunity.

When I do experience anxiety, I have to give myself grace and permission. The permission to know that there will be a lag between what I rationally know to be true and what my limbic brain is screaming out at me. It’s an opportunity for my faith to grow during this lag.

In the lag, I learn to fly by the instruments rather than by what I see or feel (to use a pilot/plane metaphor).

03. Know that it will pass (even if it happens to be in the context of eternity).

The first time I experienced anxiety, it lasted months (2011). I thought it would never end. Things got very dark, because I had never experienced anything like it before. Yes, I had worried before but this was different. Crushing anxiety. The thing that I had always relied on–my brain-was now the cause of the problem. I couldn’t think my way out of it. In that long, dark season, the thing that kept me alive was to set the situation in light of eternity.

Even if this thing lasted for years…even if the rest of my life, and even though it felt horrible, it WOULD be undone by the resurrection. And eternity with God makes the current timeframe pale. Some days, the hope of the resurrection was all that sustained me.

But, you know what? It probably WILL pass in this lifetime. Then, when it reoccurs you can tell yourself, “God has brought me through this before and He’ll be faithful to do it again. I’ll rest in His timing.”

So my advice?

1. See anxiety as an opportunity to discover, identify and address your idols.
2. See anxiety as a way to see that God is the one truly holding you and your circumstances.
3. Find an anchor truth in God’s word to hang onto with dear life.
4. Give yourself the same grace that God does.
5. Don’t try to be superman or superwoman. That’s not your calling and it’s a recipe for disaster.
6. Don’t rush the process. That just starts creating anxiety about anxiety.
7. Gaze at God and glance at your problem, not vice versa.

Maybe this COVID-19 is tied to an idol that is triggering your anxiety. Rather than fight, flight or freeze, reflect and take a step towards God.

Note: If you need to see doctor or psychiatrist, do so. Remember you have a mind, but it’s also an organ called a brain. Medication may help you get to a baseline to better process. If you broke your arm, you’d go see an orthopedic doctor. There is no stigma in that.